Wishingmolly's TTC journey...am I ovulating yet?

an update

wishingmolly — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 18:27:34 +0000

Sorry everyone that I haven’t writen in awhile but it has been a hard month and I am getting ver frustrated. This is our second month after our mc and our second month ttc without any help (aka OPKs, fertility meds, etc.) and I am so confused and frustrated. I don’ t know when or if I even ovulated and I don’t know when to test. Ugh, it should be easier then this. Well as of today I am on CD 21, I have very few ”signs” or “symptoms” this month so I don’t think I’m pregnant I am only super tired and moody… and that could be PMS. I guess I will just have to wait and see… baby dust all.

ugh….

wishingmolly — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 15:29:57 +0000

I am so mad right now. My very predictable husband informed me last night that he doesn’t want to start ttc again. I’m do pissed, he waited until after we told our very excited parents we were trying, until after I told him the thought of ttc is what is helping me cope, until after we finally know we can get pregnant. I want to slap him right now. I know this is how he is coping but damnit I need to cope too and I do so by moving forward and starting again. Oh I am pissed! I hope he gets over this and soon.

trying to move forward…

wishingmolly — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:59:04 +0000

I would have updated everyone earlier but I have been on a roller coaster ride these last two weeks. On Aug 28 I woke up and took a HPT, it came back with a very faint positive. I can’t even tell you how I felt, I was waiting for that one little sign for almost a year and at last it was my turn. My turn to have a BFP and to have the baby I deserved. I was still unsure becuase the test was so light so I waited until later that morning and took another HPT. When that one came back with a faint positve I had no doubt in my mind I was going to become a mommy. I called Tyler and we both rejoiced in the fact that our dream was coming true. I called my OB and was told to come in after work and give a urine sample. After I gave my sample I wanted to take another test just for fun. We went and bought a clearblue digital test and were completely delighted when the words “pregnant” popped up. It was the best day of my life. The next day Tyler and I left to go to the MN state fair. It was the best trip we had ever had there, nothing could break our spirits. We waited all morning long for my dr to call back and tell us that we were indeed parents. When we finally got the call, it wasn’t what we wanted to hear. I was told my urine test came back negative. We were both completely confused, how could that be? I told my OB that I wanted a blood test and he finally agreed so Tyler and I went straight to Eau Claire( where my dr. is) and I gave a blood test. Waiting the two hours for the results was harder than I imagined but when the call came it was confirmed that I was pregnant. Tyler and I were so happy! We began to tell our close friends and plotted how we would tell our families. We were going to leave the next day to start a three day vacation in Duluth so we decided to tell our families before we left. We had bought bibs that said “I love Grandpa” and “I love Grandma” to give to our parents. I have never seen my parents so happy, they both cried and we were so full of joy. The same happened when we told Tyler’s parents and we just felt so lucky. Our vacation was wonderful. I felt so happy and full knowing that there was a baby growing in side of me. On Sept 2 I woke up and went to the bathroom. When I went to flush the toilet I noticed blood on my toilet paper. My heart dropped, I just knew what was happening. I called my OB again and they told me to go straight to the nearest hospital and get bloodwork done to see what my hormone levels were. When they called back I found out my levels were only a 3 and that I was indeed having a m/c. I have never cried so hard in my life, I had prayed and hoped for the baby for a year. I already loved that baby, how could this be happening to me. I felt empty and I didn’t know what to do. I finally calmed down enough and made the toughest call I have ever had to make. I called my dad and told him he wasn’t going to be a grandpa after all. He broke down while I was still on the phone with him and typing this just breaks my heart all over again. Tyler had to make the same tough call to his family and when we were done we just shut down. We didn’t take in any phone calls, or eat, or really live. We just sat there in shock. Four hours after I found out, I decided enough was enough and started looking at the silver lining. Now Tyler and I knew we could get pregnant and our families knew were trying. Also after doing research and talking to my OB some more we decided I had a chemical pregnancy*. That fact along helped me deal a lot more and I began realizing that because I was only four or five weeks along when I lost my baby I could in fact start ttc right away. And that brings us to today… my bleeding has stopped and I am feeling even more hopeful for the future. I know I can make a baby and I know what it feels like to be pregnant. Those two facts keep pushing me forward. I can’t wait to start ttc again and I can’t wait to get another BFP. This time I know it will be a sticky one. If you learn anything from my experience learn this A)life is so fragile enjoy every moment of it and B) When you do in fact get a BFP, please make sure that it will stick before you start spreading the news. Telling my parents about my m/c was almost worst then dealing with the m/c itself. Good luck and baby dust to all!

*A chemical pregnancy is an early pregnancy miscarriage or a miscarriage before 6 weeks. It means that your pregnancy can only be confirmed through the chemicals in your body (i.e. bloodwork and urine test) and not an ultrasound. I m/c a embryo not a fetus. My baby didn’t have a heartbeat, or organs, or even a protective sac around it. It was just a fertilized egg. Although it still hurts to think about what could have been, this fact helps me push though.

I haven’t blogged in awhile…

wishingmolly — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 02:47:12 +0000

So it turns out I’m not so good at this blogging thing…lol. I will try harder to keep everyone updated in my life and my journey to conceive.

So update on my ttc journey first. I am currently on CD 27 and plan on testing on Aug 28th. I feel pretty good about this month but I did last month too so who knows. DH and I both tried harder this month. I have the same side effects I did last month too but I am way more moody this month. Poor DH and I have been at each others throats all week. And this month I am not only getting mood swings that make me cry for no reason but also mood swings that make me crazy angry. It’s weird. Other than that everything is the same; a lot of cm, extreme tiredness, swollen and sore breast, etc. So I guess we’ll wait and see.

As far as my life update I have decided to go back to school, well kinda. I am taking medical terminology online this upcoming semester. It kinda scares me but I am a quick learner and will hopefully do well. Also DH and I are going on a two day romantic get away to Duluthnext weekend. I am really excited I hope that is brings us closer together than we have been. That reminds me I am thinking about maybe taking a month off of Clomidnext month becuase I have a couple important events and seriously I can’t take these side effects much longer.

Well thats all for now but I will let you know how I test on the 28th or if AF shows up before then. Baby dust!

oh boo…

wishingmolly — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:19:46 +0000

Well no baby for us this month. My AF finally showed up, she came on CD 33, 16 DPO. grr… but I am looking forward to trying for a May baby! This month I have 15 OPKs and I think I may order preseed too! I am officially on CD 2 today and will be taking 50 mg Clomid on CD 5-9 again. Thanks for all the baby dust I will keep everyone updated!

my 1st Clomid Cycle!

wishingmolly — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:13:12 +0000

UPDATE: TMI***

My cycle started on June 25th

CD 5-9 on Clomid 50 mg.

CD 9-16 Clomid side effects > hotflashes, no CM, mild cramps

CD 16-18 I got the flu, also O’d (+ OPK on 17 and 18) still no CM, bad cramps

CD 18-25 Mild cramps, lots of thick white CM, pregnant maybe?

CD26 BFN stilla lot of CM, very tired today

CD 27- hot flash in am, weird dreams, boobs really sore and heavy, BBT 98.6

CD28-29- weird dreams. CM, boobs still sore…and have grown BBT 98.6

CD 30-hot flash, CM, very sore boobs, some cramps, testing tomorrow! BBT 98.7

CD31- BFN , sore hips, sore boobs, cramps, BBT 98.8

I am going to get a blood test on monday CD 34 if AF hasn’t shown up by then. Don’t get your hopes up though, Clomid has been known to mimic pregnancy symptoms. Wish me luck! and those of you on Clomid, did you have these symptoms/side effects?

I hate the wait

wishingmolly — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:31:48 +0000

ugh…. I hate waiting all the time. I hate waiting to O and then even more so the tww. I just hope that this is my last month of waiting for those two and I can start waiting for my miricle to grow. I am so ready to be pregnant it hurts. I can’t just pretend anymore that it is not a big deal and that maybe next month will be my BFP. I am just feeling discouraged today! I hope that my OPKs work and I O soon. Grr….

Sorry for the venting but it had to be done. lol.

Babydust to all!

1st day using OPK

wishingmolly — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:34:45 +0000

So today was my first experience with OPK and I am already confused. I am using the Answer brand OPK and I knew both lines show up no matter what but how do you know when your ovulating? I never imagined that it would be this hard TTC. I mean both Tyler and I are very healthy average people who are young and should have no problem. Ugh… what do you all think? Am I ovulating yet?

First OPK

Update

wishingmolly — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:23:30 +0000

I thought it may be helpful to start this blog by updating everyone on my journey so far. My DH Tyler and I started ttc in September of 07 thinking this would be a short and wonderful experience. Well thanks to my ever changing cycles it has been anything but that. Shortly after beginning to ttc we realized that my cycles were very irregular and long (35-40 days). In Jan. I went to my first OB appt. to discuss my options, at that point we had only tried BBT charting and were hoping to here some answers. Well we were told that we would not be considered infertile or given and medication until closer to our one year mark. I left very disappointed, I had hoped to be given some answers and a chance at really ttc. So we continued on our way ttc and were getting very hopeful when at the end of April my AF disappeared altogether. I called my OB and after many test I still got a BFN. My OB told me that since I was now skipping my AF altogether I could go in to see a specialist to get on medicine for “irregular periods”.

Finally on June 27th, I went in to see my new OB. He informed me that because my cycles were so long that my uterus walls were getting too thick and were unable to house a fertilized egg. At last an answer to my problem. He immediately started me on Clomid. I started taking it on CD 5-9 and lucky did not have any side effects. I am now on CD 12 and just started to use OPKs.

Both Tyler and I want a baby more than anything and it has been very frustrating not being able to do so. We are luckier then some though and we are so very thankful that my problem is hopefully fixable. If you have any questions please feel free to ask and enjoy our journey!